First of all, thank you to those of you who have tried to reach out to me during my absence. Not only am I touched by your kind gestures, but it shows how much of a caring and compassionate person you are. To reach out to a stranger, someone whose writing you enjoyed and clearly noticed when they went missing. That’s a special kind of person and I will respond to your messages shortly.
Secondly, yes, that is my real name. And my name is part of why I stopped writing, well on here anyway. I am so honest to the core, that in the end, trying to write under a pseudonym just didn’t sit with me. I felt I had a story to tell and that I had the ability to write it. And I still do, the story has just changed a little.
If you are reading this and can’t remember me (I don’t blame you, I was gone 4 months!) and are going to my page to try to refresh your memory, you will see all my previous blogs have been deleted. I shared some pretty personal stories there, some which don’t apply to my new direction, and therefore I am hoping to keep those 2 lives separate.
So what’s been happening? I’ve left my final blog post active so you can remember where I was at last time I wrote. I was beginning a journey, a metaphysical journey, though I wasn’t aware at the time. All I knew was that I wasn’t in a good place, I had no reason to be there and I wasn’t happy about it. I went through thoughts of “why is this happening to me?” And “why can’t I just sort my shit out?”
Now I understand what was going on…I was making myself sick. And each and every time I felt low, it was due to one thing…my thoughts. Once upon a time I thought I was a pretty awesome person, negative opinions were easy to ignore, I was happy with myself.
But for a period of time in my life, I was told I was many negative names by people who I had once cared about. For awhile, the attacks seemed to come from them all at once. I’d replay their words in my head, sometimes thinking they were wankers for saying so, other times wondering if they were right.
And the more I thought about it, the more I started to believe them. Until it got to the point where I believed more of the negatives over the positives and would slowly drown myself in the mess of it all.
And then I’d blame them. “I feel like this because they said that” and “I wouldn’t be so low if they hadn’t done x,y,z”.
But you know what? I was wrong. I was the only one to blame for how I was feeling.
I’ve learnt so much these past few months and am still learning everyday. I wouldn’t say I’m healed as yet, but the good days definitely out way the bad now.
And I’ve still been writing, but personally. Some days I just take notes, while other days I write full posts, saved ready for when I’m ready to share. That time is almost here. And this is why I am writing to you all today. I would like to invite you to continue this journey with me and have the opportunity to continue to build relationships with you as I started months ago.
Back in June I had a business idea, one that sat right in my heart. A business which will not only bring me direction and income, but one which will allow me to share my journey in the hope it helps others. I know I am not alone in the cycle of depression and anxiety. I know I’m not alone in reaching an age (I am almost 40) and realising there is more to life than work, money and owning stuff. To me, life is now about love, experiences and happiness.
So, if you would like to join me, here you go. My new website is http://www.themetaphysicstodayshow.com
It is in its early stages now, I’ve spent the last 6 weeks studying small business management. Time has been hectic but lessons invaluable. As I am nearing the end, I am managing more time to write and therefore am now sharing my work.
You are welcome to sign up and be notified as things start happening. And if you don’t, I wish you the very best with your writing and your lives. Thank you for being a part of mine.
All the best,